1. It is not actually called a "wives club" anymore, it is a spouses club. This is because women serve in the military and men are married to these female officers. As a result to be more politically correct, they are spouses clubs and not wives clubs. Never mind that I haven't seen any men at the events and I have not seen any on the roster of members; it's a spouses club!
2.Adult beverages are served at the 9:00 A.M. meetings. Way to go USAF!
3. Along those lines, pilot's wives can out drink any other wife at the meeting. If you are socializing with one of these lovely ladies do not even think about engaging in a contest or attempting to keep up with their pace. You will lose and it will be embarrassing. You will barf in the club bathroom. Or, you will walk out of the ladies room with toilet paper dangling from your pantyhose. I do not know this from personal experience but from observation only.
4. Buy the raffle tickets... OR ELSE! If you fail to buy the tickets you will get "the gaze" from the ladies. What is the gaze you ask? Well there are two gazes. The first gaze means that they disapprove of your cheap ways. Eyes are scrunched, teeth clenched, and hands are on the hip. Tread softly. The second gaze means that the giver knows that the basket you are buying raffle tickets for is cheap, tacky, or both and that they understand but you need to buy a ticket so the maker doesn't get self conscious. If you give an awkward smile back she will disengage and move on to shaming another wife.
5. Respect the rank. I may be married to an officer but so is Mrs. Smith. Except that she is married to a colonel. Be nice to her because she could make your husband's life miserable.
6. Dress appropriately. Some events call for jeans and a cute top or sweater. Others call for a themed outfit or costume. Follow the dress code or be shunned. The more creative your interpretation of the theme, the more friends you will make.
7. Memorize this:
"Emily, nice to meet you too. Virginia. 22.
Six months ago. Just married. Wright Patterson.
I love it here. Still looking for a job. It isn't for forever."
Substitute your own personal information where you see italics.8. Volunteer for something... no ANYTHING . You will be inundated with help wanted ads from the various committees and members. If you don't volunteer to do something you will get another set of gazes that are not nearly as tame as the raffle ticket gazes.
9. There are two groups that you want to impress. The first is the group of young, attractive, fun wives that have no kids and little responsibility. These women might become your friends. The other group are the elders. See the "respecting the rank" point above.
10. Most importantly, I learned that these women have been where I have been. They have made the hard cross country moves, been jobless because they just followed their spouse to a desolate part of the desert, and they have amazing social skills. Yes, I am joking about these lessons, well most of them, but this one is serious. Some of the wives work full time, some are mothers, and some are content spending all of the free time volunteering to make the base and Air Force community a better place. But they all have one thing in common: they are friendly as hell and they want to listen to your story. In spite of multiple moves, deployments, and flat out awful duty stations, they survived to live another day and tell another story. I can learn a lot from their poise and their optimistic attitudes.
The Club reminds me that being the wife of an Air Force Officer really is a special club. We endure long TDYs, long hours at the office, long bureaucratic red tape, and sometimes prolonged boredom (see yesterday's post). At least there is a group to commiserate with [carefully].
Also, I would like to note that Kenneth is TDY this week and I am home alone, snow impending, with Dixie the SNORING hound dog. I thought my Dad's snoring was bad... he has nothing on Dixie! This little cutie can pack a nasal punch! The walls are shaking, ceiling tiles are falling, and the hound dog up the street is howling in reply. Thank God for the surround sound!
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